When words are not enough

Hey Everyone,

It's been 6 months since my last post. That is due in part to the fact that I had limited internet access. I just got my dsl hooked up in my room last week so expect to hearing more from me. God has indeed been good, He took me through one semester of medical school & I am excited about being here.

Have you ever been in a place where you know you need to pray, and you start praying but your words are inadequate? When all you can do is weep and groan before the Lord? These past couple of days have been some of my roughest yet. You're probably thinking what could be the problem now? You're on the way to fulfilling your dream? Well, while all that is true, another situation has presented itself that is threatening to take that dream away.

Many of you know that University tuition is extremely expensive. Well, the funds for this semester's tuition just haven't materialised and I have until next week Friday to pay US$10000 or be deregistered. As if this wasn't enough for me to deal with...............I can't find my Student I.D. (& you know at a school that's like your passport, can't do anything without it), my glasses need to be changed (the frame is bent & the optical people here will not touch it), I'm in a foreign country far away from the people I love, AND I'm expected to study with all this going on.

Sound like I'm taking a faith walk to you???

In situations like these, we are so tempted to give up, to blame God. I know I've been bombarded with extremes of emotions. I keep asking God, what I did to deserve such punishment. But though my flesh cannot comprehend what is happening, my spirit is focused on God. The Lord has brought several scriptures to comfort me in this time:


John 20:27 ".........................Stop doubting and believe"


Jeremiah 32:27 "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"


Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord"


Isaiah 45:2-3 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name"


The truth is, I am here to pursue my dream, but it's the dream that God gave me. I could have gotten in to medical school at home where things would have been cheaper, but would I have the opportunity to exercise my faith in the Lord as I have right now..........probably not. So, it really isn't my job to worry about how I'm going to get my tuition............God knows & He is providing. All the money in the world is His. And while US$10000 is alot of money to me, it's NOTHING for Him to provide.

I don't know what you may be going through, but I would just like to encourage you to trust God. My breakthrough hasn't come yet, but I know I serve a Miracle working God. Who is more than able to meet my every need. And I will be able to testify, very soon too, of my God, Jehovah Jireh - My provider.

Thanks to all of you who have continued to support me. I Love You very much. Please continue to keep me in your prayers.

Blessings,

Yasine

"A God Time"

Hey My Peeps,

How are you all doing? I pray that all is well with you and yours. Last week saw the passing of Hurricane Dean and some interesting developments in the ever exciting life of Yasine Gray. Believe me friends, if you're not up to dealing with the ups and downs and upside downs of life, reading this blog is definitely not for you.

These new developments started on Sunday (in the heights of Hurricane Dean's winds beating up my house) with a phone call. A lady with a nice accent called me to say "I know that you're in the middle of a hurricane but I would just like to let you know that we are offering you a space in the Faculty of Medical Sciences in Trinidad for the upcoming school year". Can somebody say "HALLELUJAH!!!". Do you believe that? Now you know it could only be God that would orchestrate something like this!

So I've been scrambling aroung to get things in order to go to Trinidad next week as school is scheduled to commence on September 3. Now here is where it gets interesting. The lady in the admissions department informed me that they wouldn't be sending my package Jamaica I could just pick it up next week when i arrive. She said she would fax me the acceptance letter and I requested that she send the fee structure as well.

Before I continue, let me give you some background information. For those of you who don't know UWI is sponsored by 15 Caribbean nations. So the fee structure for these nationals is heavily subsidised. So regardless of the campus that you attend as long as you're from a a contributing country you should not have to stand the full cost of your tuition. Unfortunately i was not aware that because Jamaica has a medical school the subsidised fee doesn't apply to me in Trinidad. So.......the fee structure sent to me for Tuition only which needs to be paid by the time school starts is US$16000. now this does not include books, housing, airfare, food, miscellaneous fee, etc.

Now you know i think I prophesied over myself when I named this blog. If this is to be a testatment to the power of God and how a faith walk really is, then all that I write here must reflect that.....not so? Trust me.....this is a step of faith in every sense of the words. I resigned my job yesterday and am in the process of packing my stuff. I need to get to Trinidad by next week wednesday and I am yet to see the first dollar. But I know my God is not short on money and it is He who opened the door to medical school that has constantly been shut over the past 7 years. So He must have the provision for this leg of the journey.

The Lord gave me this scripture this morning, Isaiah 45:1-3

THUS SAYS the Lord to His anointed, to Cyrus (Yasine), whose right hand I have held to subdue nations before him, and I will unarm and ungird the loins of kings to open doors before him, so that gates will not be shut.

2I will go before you and level the mountains [to make the crooked places straight]; I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut asunder the bars of iron.

3And I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, Who calls you by your name.

I was saying to a friend this morning, that it is only God that could possibly get the glory from this situation. And isn't that how He loves to work. So again I'm stepping out in faith. I resigned my job yesterday as I know that by the end of next week I will be in Trinidad. My friends I crave your prayers now more than ever. And as you take my name to the Lord pray also for those who may be in similar positions as myself but don't know God and are hopeless.

So as my title says "A God time". I have done all possible in my power but I thank God that His resources are unlimited. All I can do now is sit back and watch Him work. I will keep you posted.

Yasine

Have you ever felt low?

Hey Guys,

Hope you all have been doing alright. I know you must be thinking "another post so quick?", well I've got the time now so I might as well.

I had one of the roughest days of my life yesterday. Have you ever felt so low that you wonder why you're even alive? Have you ever been in so much pain (emotionally that is) that it's almost physical? (I know that one is kinda weird, you doctors no badda try pencil out dat one) . Well that's where I was yesterday. It seemed like my whole world was literally falling apart. If ever I was under a spiritual attack, yesterday was the day. You know the funny thing about all that happened though is God told me how to fight the attack yesterday morning in church and when it came...........I couldn't even lift a finger. Sad isn't it? I guess there's still a whole lot of work God has to do in me, don't stop praying for me ok.

But let me share briefly what the Pastor spoke about. His message was on encouraging yourself in God. You know so many times when things go wrong in our lives we always think of calling someone to pray and help us through. Now don't get me wrong, while that is a good thing and God does provide us with people in our lives for that purpose, at some point we must get to the stage where we turn to God first and then call our loved ones to agree with us on what we've already brought to God. He shared three key principles that I'd like to leave with you.

Firstly, we must change our focus. You see the minute my situations seem hopeless and I feel like I can't continue is when I'm focusing on them and not the Lord. The key is to make God soooo big that no matter what problems come my way I know that they are not to hard for him to handle.

Secondly, we must change our definitions. I need to stop being so negative all the time and condition myself to be an eternal optimist. So my glass is never half empty, but always half full. So the fact that I haven't been accepted to medical school doesn't mean I'll never be a Doctor, it just means that God's timing for my life doesn't dictate for me to go now.

Finally, we must change our actions. So instead of being depressed and downcast I must carry myself with the confidence that wherever I find myself right now is where God wants me to be. Instead of being negative all the time I must encourage myself in the word and in prayer.

I know that this road is not easy. But I'm determined to be in there for the long haul. The Lord brought to me Luke 22:31-32, here Jesus is talking to Peter and he says to him "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail." Satan's character has not changed and he is wants to do the same to us today. Thank God that Jesus is constantly interceding for us that our faith too will remain strong.

Well, these are my few words for now. I hope they bless and encourage you all.

Prayers,
Yasine

What if it hurts?......I'll trust you Lord. What if you cry?....I'll trust you Lord.

Hey Everybody,

I can't believe it's been 7 months since my last post! I bet you all thought I'd given up on this huh? Now that I finally have some time to write I've gotta update you on the latest in my life.

Praise God, I've completed my first year of teaching. Man....that was interesting. There were some rough spots along the way but many more good times. I must say I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined myself as a teacher. But my students love me and seem to be enjoying my subjects so Glory be to God from whom all knowledge comes. I'm currently on summer holidays (one of the perks of being a teacher).

Well, you know there is a saying "There is a 1st time for everything".
Off all the weddings I've been to and sang at, I've never been a bridesmaid. My 1st time came this summer for my good friend and sister, Helen. She and Kevin had a beautiful ceremony. And let me tell you God was good, though the rain was threatening to fall it didn't.

Now in my last blog I told you that I had applied again to Medical School. I called the admissions department this week and was told once again that I didn't get in. Well you can imagine my disappointment. And that's putting it lightly. I told Mommy I don't think any one really understands what I feel. Most children, during the course of their childhood go through several career choices......me...........only one..........i've only ever wanted to be a doctor. And I know that God is the one who gives dreams so my question is "Why give me a dream and keep it out of my reach? How fair is that Lord?"

I thank God that He remains faithful to me, even in the midst of my tantrums and doubt. He really spoke to my heart today. It's almost like I got a revelation. Jesus has to be the reason I'm happy. You see I could get into med school tomorrow and be miserable the entire way through. I really had to repent today. Yasine sings "What if it hurts?.....I'll trust you Lord. What if you cry?.........I'll trust you Lord". I crave your prayers in this time. Lord knows I'm trying to stay strong, but I won't pretend I'm not hurting.

On to a more pleasant topic. I've recently joined the choir at my church. I'm enjoying being able to use my talent for the Lord. Now those of you who know me are aware that I'm not an upfront kinda girl. I really like to be in the background. Well it looks like God has other plans. My Pastors really want me to lead worship and I believe that's what the Lord wants too. So again pray for me as I step out into this new area of my life.

I guess that's it for now. I'll stay in touch.

Yasine

New Year, New Attitude

Happy New Year all!!!!

I know it has been ages since I made my last post (last year in fact………) So much has happened since then. Let me see if I can get it all into perspective. I’ve been teaching for the past 3 months and what a ride that has been. I’m slowly getting into the groove of things, if I say so myself. I give God thanks for the students He has entrusted me with. I continue to pray that I will make a positive impact on their lives.

I went on tour with my choir this Christmas. For those of you who don’t know, I sing with the University Singers. We performed two shows at the King Center for the Performing Arts in Melbourne, Florida. Is who did tell dem fi gi wi one whole day fi shop doah? (sorry had to slip a little patois in there). Well shop we did…………and we gave new meaning to the phrase “shop till you drop”.

Christmas was fabulous. I got to see my Mommy which of course is always great. I must admit…………I am one spoilt pickney!! Good spoilt though………if there is such a thing :)

Now let me get to the serious stuff. I’m not sure how many of you know but January is the deadline for medical school applications. So this January I as usual was in a typically foul mood. I kept waivering on whether or not I should apply again. I guess I was at the place where I felt like I couldn’t put myself through the emotional stress of applying and not getting in again.

Of course………..here comes God. In my devotion one morning the Lord asked me a couple of questions. I’ll give you an excerpt from a poem I wrote that morning.

God’s questions:

How much do you love me? Is your love for me more than your desire to become a doctor, more than your desire for companionship? Is it more than your longing to escape from the place in which you now find yourself? Are you willing to let go all you hold dear for me?

My answer:

My vocabulary fails me as it is not extensive enough to provide answers to those questions. Lord I can only like my love for you to the millions of sand grains in the sea……….vast………..immeasurable. My desire to do your will surpasses any other emotions I have. Today I surrender all I hold dear to you. Be it unto me, according to your word and your perfect plans for my life.

So, my approach to this New Year is one of total surrender. My mom imparted some powerful words of wisdom to me recently. This is what I leave with you today. Live for today, let tomorrow worry about itself. The fact that God woke you up this morning means that He has a plan for you. And the fact of the matter is if you hadn’t woken up………all your plans, dreams, hopes………would have been dead with you…….and only the things you do for God are going to matter.

By the way………….I did send in my Medical School application. So please continue to pray for me.

Well, that all for now folks. I’ll be in touch.

Blessings,

Yasine

Greetings,

Hope you all have been having a blessed week. I tell you, God continues to remain faithful to me, even when I don’t deserve it.

Just thought I’d share this word with you. Two days in succession I got a word from the Lord. Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart”. Now, I began to concentrate on the last part of the verse because it talks about what I can get. But I really felt the Holy Spirit leading me to concentrate on the word “Delight”. So, I went to a dictionary to see the definition of that word. Delight means:

Great pleasure; joy or something that gives pleasure or enjoyment.

Now in order for you to understand the significance of this word, you would need to know how I’ve been feeling. I was saying to Mom on Sunday that while I have maintained an attitude of gratitude towards the Lord I haven’t been happy. There’s almost been a sad aura about me. I’ve been smiling, but its been superficial. And of course, God being the faithful God that He is gives me this word.

I know it is time for me to stop looking at the obstacles before me and see my destination. God has made several promises to me and his word cannot lie. So, I am putting on the garment of Praise, in anticipation of my breakthrough.

That’s my piece for today. I love you all and God bless you!!

Yasine

Back to Basics

Hey Everyone,

I know it's been a while since I've made a post. The past couple of weeks have just been a roller coaster of events. I'm hanging on, thankful that Jesus has been my seat belt this whole time, cuz I'm sure if He wasn't I would have fallen off this ride a long time ago.

Teaching has been interesting. I must be very honest with you though, I KNOW I definitely DO NOT want to do this for the rest of my life. Mommy, I have a new found respect for you. I tell you my biggest challenge so far has been to keep things simple. I don't if this happens to you all, but because I've learnt so much other stuff, I have to be careful I don't give the children too much unnecessary information. But, a friend showed me one of the valuable lessons the Lord is teaching me and that is "Keep it Simple". You many times we really complicate our lives with all kinds of things but God just wants us to stick to the basics.

Friends, sometimes it's very hard to put into words how I feel. This time is definitely one of warfare for me. Somedays I feel like my whole world is about to collapse. It's almost as if I can feel the demonic oppression around me. I know that right now I'm in a battle for my very life. But I'm determined to win at all costs. I refuse to let the enemy rob me of the plan God has for my life. I declare publicly that I will be victorious in Jesus name. And because of the victory Jesus has given me, the only way I can lose is to give up.

In the meantime, while I wait on the Lord, I choose to be content where He has placed me. I'm even going to audition for the choir at church.........can u imagine that? At first I felt like I was taking on too many things, but I know that God has given me my talent and I must use it for His honor and glory.

I hope this entry has encouraged you. My love and prayers are with you all.

God Bless You,

Yasine

Building a Fortress

Hey everyone,

I haven't felt much like writing since the last post. I guess this whole situation is kinda whittling away at me..........slowly. Now, I know all the scriptures to quote and I'm doing that and waiting on God to bring the change, in the meantime I'm just being real about how I feel. I tell you, the devil really works through your emotions and he was wreaking havoc with mine.

Some of you know that I've been doing a Leadership course with Beacon University out of Columbus, Georgia. Let me tell you, they are offering some great teaching. I have no regrets about taking these courses. One of the latest ones I did was titled "Training to Reign" and it's a study of the life of David. Basically from when he was anointed till he was crowned king in zion. (Now you guys who have yet to do the course I'm about to give you the inside scoop). The lecturer talks about three classrooms in David's life: Bethlehem, Adullam and Hebron. And without going into much detail I'm gonna tell you a little about Adullam. See Adullam were the caves that David retreated to when he was being pursued by Saul. Adullam wasn't a place of roses; on the contrary it was a place of hardship and loneliness.

Adullam was the place where David built his masada. Masada means fortress. And it was here that David developed his closeness with God. And he took his Masada, his spiritual fortress everywhere he went. So even after he left Adullam when faced with his enemies he would retreat into his Masada. I think this is where I'm at. I'm entering my Adullam and all that I am going through helping me to build my Masada; which can't be achieved without hardship and disappointment. So my prayer is help me Lord to learn the lessons of Adullam.

Now here is where it all gets interesting friends. Just as I was typing this blog Mom called me. She was on the way to the gym and she just started singing a song and she knew that the Holy Spirit wanted me to hear it. It's Yolanda Adams "Dont Give Up". The chorus says:

"Keep the Dream alive, don't let it die
If something deep inside, keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And Never give up, don't ever give up on you.
Sometimes, life can place a stumbling block in your way
But you gotta keep the faith, bring what's deep inside your heart to the light
And Never give up, don't ever give up on you"

Now isn't God awesome!!!

So…………it certainly looks like I will not be leaving for medical school this year as anticipated. The thing is though that I really asked the Lord if I should come home whether or not it was going to work out and I really felt He said I should.

On a positive note, I got a job on Friday. The way God worked that out was nothing short of a miracle. By God’s divine order one of my friend’s became aware of the opening and told me to bring in my resume the next day. Turns out, I did the interview on the spot and got the job. Now………..if you had asked me what I could see myself doing this would definitely not be at the top of my list. I know you’re dying to hear what it is right????????

Well……………………I’m a teacher. Yes, I didn’t stutter, that’s what I am. I start on Monday teaching Biology, Chemistry and Integrated Science at an all girls high school in Kingston. Now peeps, if you weren’t praying for me before I need you to start now. I’m believing God that He has me in that school for a reason and that this is a stop on my way to fulfilling my purpose that I must make.

Before I go let me say thanks to all of you who've been supporting me with prayer and emails and comments. God Bless You. I really couldn't get through this time without you.

Till next time,
Yasine

Under Attack

Hey guys,

I’m not even sure how to start this entry. So many things have happened in the last two weeks, I feel like I’m being put through the wringer emotionally. I almost want to cross my fingers and shout “Cree God!!” (For my non-jamaican friends ‘cree’ is like ‘time-out’ in patois).

The events of yesterday confirmed to me that God has a really big work for me to do and the enemy is trying so hard to mess with God’s plan. Now…….let me get to what happened. In the morning Mom called me and told me to make sure I read my “Word for Today” devotional. The title of the devotion for yesterday was ‘Prepare for Attack’ (think I would have taken the hint huh!) It basically talked about putting on the Armor of God and using the Word to combat the enemy. Anyway, I read it and went on my merry way.

Now usually when I read the Gleaner online everyday, but because I don’t have ADSL at home here I haven’t been following that practice. For some reason I went to the website yesterday and there was a headline that almost ‘lick mi fi six’ (you cricketers will understand exactly what I mean). Paraphrased it was ‘Over 100 students headed to C*b*’. As you all know I’m still waiting on the final word from the Embassy so imagine my surprise when I read the article and it said they already had a reception for the over 100 students that will be leaving next week.

So my Dad called his contact at the embassy and this is the latest in the saga. Apparently there were eight of us chosen to get the scholarship by the panel at the Embassy. However the C*b*n government’s policy is to give the scholarship only to people who don’t have first degrees. So the one thing that was supposed to give me an advantage has come back to bite me. Dad’s contact was really fighting with the Ambassador here over it but to no avail. He now has to go to C*b* to talk to the officials over there to get them to change the policy. When he spoke with Dad yesterday he said that he is confident that he can get them to change the policy. The only thing he has a problem with is that each country gets a certain quota of scholarships per year. According to him, they have already filled their quota.

Well………….I really just wanted to curl up in a corner somewhere and cry. I really felt like giving up. But in that moment the Lord reminded me of the Spanish CDs that I found. I didn’t tell you all about another find that I made. A couple of days ago I was walking by the bookshelf and I saw a book I had never seen before. It is actually a guide of all the provinces of C*b*. It has a map and everything. Another thing I didn’t tell you about was last year when I came back to Cayman for the summer Mom pulled out some plastic bins from under the closet and told me to open them. The bins were filled with medical books; Anatomy, Physiology, Pharmacology, Histology, Obstetrics, ……….you name it I’ve got it. Mom knew a lady who works at St. Matthews and I guess she had mentioned to the woman that I wanted to go to Medical School. After the hurricane one of the Student’s left everything with instructions to give them away and so that’s how they ended up with me. Let me tell you people thousands of dollars in books!!!!

So regardless of how it looks now, I know I’m going to Medical School. I know with every fiber of my being that my going to Medical School is directly tied in to the reason why the Lord has be here on this earth. That is why the enemy is fighting so hard for it not to happen. So I ask that you continue to keep me in your prayers. I know that Man’s quota means absolutely nothing to God. God is a God of the impossible. And I’m believing Him to do the impossible in this situation. You see, these are the kinds of situations that God likes because now only He can get the glory.

As some of you know the Holy Spirit usually ministers to me by placing a song on my heart. Yesterday I just started singing “He is a miracle working God, He is a miracle working God, He is a wonder, He is a miracle, He is a miracle working God”. And I know it was the Holy Spirit reassuring me that He is going to come through for me, BIG TIME!. Before I left Cayman the same thing happened and God said “He’ll do it again, He’ll do it again, Just take a look at where you are now and where you have been. Hasn’t He always come through for you, He’s the same now as then. You may not know how, you may not know when but he’ll do it again.”

Well, I think I’m just about done. You know this blog thing is actually therapeutic. I almost feel like you all are right here with me when I write.

Please continue to pray. I need your support now more than ever before. I have one favour to ask though. When you pray for me, please lift up the other seven persons, who like me are waiting for a miracle.

Blessings,

Yasine

The devil doesn't want you to read this

Hey guys,

Hope you all are having a blessed and victorious week in the Lord. I must tell you this is the second time I’m typing this blog. I did it yesterday and with one click of a button it was gone. So I guess what I have to say the enemy really doesn’t want you to hear. I’m here still waiting in faith on the Lord. I must be honest with you, I was really in the doldrums yesterday. I literally had to pull myself out. Of course, thank God for His word. The Holy Spirit gave me a powerful revelation yesterday. My faith isn’t based on how I feel. My feelings don’t change who God is. And so regardless of how I feel I can rest in the fact that God is who He says He is and He is going to do what He says He’s going to do.

I tell you this faith walk isn’t easy but you know in the past week I’ve discovered so many sides of God. I think something I read in a book by Ken Gaub really grabs the idea, and I’m paraphrasing here, “You’ll never know God in the capacity that you do know if you were never in the situation that you’re in”. Mind you, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that, but there is almost something explosive that happens when you get a principle not only in your head but in your spirit. All I can say is…………Praise the Lord!

Last night in church they started singing a song I’d never heard before, but as soon as they began it really connected with my spirit. The words basically were “I don’t mind waiting on the Lord”. And I knew the Holy Spirit was saying to me……. “Wait on me my daughter”, and regardless of my feelings my answer is “Lord I’m waiting”. Because you see as the days go by the time for me to hear about school is getting shorter and I must admit I’ve begun to feel anxious. But you know with the help of the Holy Spirit I’ve decided to take a new look at the whole situation. The fact is the shorter the time frame the bigger the move of God! So……….(Yasine Sings) “I don’t mind waiting, I don’t mind waiting, I don’t mind waiting on the Lord”

Well my friends that is my piece for now. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.

Yasine